1. |
Ser Mi Amor
04:30
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Nunca estas de buen humor
Por ser mi amor
Y cuando creo que te ama
Azul es mas que un color
No digas que te intereso
Menos y menos cada beso
Quisé amarte, hasta tu me dejaste
But I wont care
I wont dare
This despair, I have
Never in the mood
Always make me gotta choose
Take your time to realize,
I’m dispensable and blue
You’re saying I’m the one you miss
But less and less with every kiss
If that’s the way that things will be
I hope you love me when you leave me
But I wont care
I wont dare
This despair, I have
And I’m losing every part
No longer caring for my art.
But that’s how its always been
Apathetic from the start
Nunca estas de buen humor
Por ser mi amor
Y cuando creo que te ama
Azul es mas que un color
But I wont care
I wont dare
This despair, I have
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2. |
What a Statue Does
02:43
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I ask if you are feeling bored
feeling that I’m being ignored
You sit there cruel and picturesque
Scribbling away at the desk
When will you go or move away
Or find the words to gently say
That you’ve been trying just to see
A gentle way of leaving me
And then she does
what a statue does
Idles awake and just because
Like every car I’ve ever owned
Silently before getting
Towed,
And so Ill wait
Until you move
Sit and text away on your phone
Just by the train stop waiting zone
And in between the subway cars
Not holding you but to the bars
You lied about your cigarette
Saying you quit when we first met
And then she does what a statue does Idles awake and just because
Je t’ai donné que je pouvais
Mais comme un statue, T’as resté
Tu m’as laisse tres affligé
Tu me connais et tu sais
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3. |
Holy Yellow Hue
02:56
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Pains and Pleasures
The worrisome forevers
Absent Minded,
Keeping me reminded of
Floating, holy yellow hue
Lamp by my bed getting dimmer
Through and through
I saw you, at the show
Thin and pale, just like a ghost
Hit the tape and stop the reel
Light goes dim and starts to peel
Floating, holy yellow hue
Your image is on my mind
But is it really you
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4. |
Givers
04:14
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Baby blue I said
In good time we’ll all be dead
So now flicker in the light
of the streetlamps in the dead of night
But that floating yellow hue
Of the orchard and the agust moon
I couldnt think youd understand
When I kissed you in the back of that van
The road trip ends when we reach my grave
When we’re no longer running and the roads unpaved
And some things just feel like theyre the end
Like when we say I love you, we pretend.
We slept in the orchard late last night
And down in the creekbed we both spoke
And I would say that I deserved it
If this hadnt all just been some joke.
The road trip ends when we reach my grave
When we’re no longer running and the roads unpaved
And some things just feel like theyre the end
Like when we say I love you, we pretend.
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5. |
June
03:59
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And We’ll smoke all damn afternoon
Live like two kids in the middle of June
And we’ll sway, to the tune
Of your mom singing in the kitchen
We’ll play a game of regrets
You’ve got a backbone of petty requests
To everyone, you’ve made the bet
If theyre gonna catch on to you or not.
Why would I stay there
So obviously inoportune
I could have broke free
From orbiting like I was the moon
Is there a way to
Exist without those you depend
Well Ill find out
Find out soon friend
You were agrandized insufferable defeat
Down by the river just dipping your feet
Saying damn, how could life be
So Inconsiderate to me
And We’ll dance on the T
Wine drunk and jamming out to David Bowie
Wondering how
How life could be, so inconsiderate
To me.
Why would I stay there
So obviously inoportune
I could have broke free
From orbiting like I was the moon
Is there a way to
Exist without those you depend
Well Ill find out
Find out soon friend
(Instrumental)
Why would I stay there
So obviously inoportune
I could have broke free
From orbiting like I was the moon
Is there a way to
Exist without those you depend
Well Ill find out
Find out soon friend
And We’ll dance on the T
Wine drunk and jamming out to David Bowie
Wondering how
How life could be, so inconsiderate
To me.
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6. |
Elephant's Legs
03:24
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Some days it all seems to float away
Never know quite what youre gonna say
Somethings always gonna break down soon
Maybe in my car or maybe in my room
All covered up my homes become my tomb
I’m one of those with the backwards brains
Youre free to love me but I’m insane
I’m one of those with the backwards brains
Youre free to love me but I’m insane
And when the night comes and kills the lights
All snuck up on me and shined its brights
Ill try and find you at common ground
But somehwere else is where we’ve found
Someplace not so safe and sound
I’m one of those with the backwards brains
Youre free to love me but I’m insane
I’m one of those with the backwards brains
Youre free to love me but I’m insane
Out at old orchard at one AM
The night it loops back over again
You kissed me between the elephant’s legs
I’m one of those with the backwards brains
Youre free to love me but I’m insane
I’m one of those with the backwards brains
Youre free to love me but I’m insane
Out at old orchard at one AM
The night it loops back over again
It got left between the elephant’s legs.
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7. |
Buñuel’s Angel
04:24
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That nobody loves me shit
just gets old
Every talk is five stories,
that are just retold
By the chair by the window
By the bags and the gowns
She’s talking down to me
And I’m talking her down.
Stuck at self service island
Lost in Rome
Waiting at purgatory til the
Ship ride home
Turn out the streetlights
Drift into my room
A goodbye from sweetheart
and a kiss from the moon
I’m Bunuel’s angel
Cant find a reason to go
I’m perfectly able
Yet unable so.
(instrumental)
I’m Bunuel’s angel
Cant find a reason to go
I’m perfectly able
Yet unable so.
I’m Bunuel’s angel
Cant find a reason to go
I’m perfectly able
Yet unable so.
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8. |
The Realest Thing
02:52
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Incantatious so vivacious the realest thing I know
Shoulders tight, its alright, its time to go
Feeling alright tap your feet my sweet one
Take your hair and tie it into a bun
Running down to the red like track
Muddy Ruddy with a lake on your back
Spinning albums in bed at three
You’d never know you’re so important to me
Hey, youre my technicolor dream
Take it slow, the realest thing I could ever know
Je pense que je peux dire que tu es,
mon amour, ma copain, ma cheré.
Whailing sighing, daylights dying and the
Boys reading catcher saying someday he’ll fetch her
But its recolored, its recolored, technicolor dreaming
I know I love her but the lens is quite decieving
Hey, Id love to be driven insane by you.
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9. |
Jump
02:34
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Thought I’d never love, no one
This time I’ll try and drink, for fun
Don’t underestimate, My ability
To hold myself together, when you look at me
I tried to call, when I was blue
In the back room I, I felt for you
But the night and I, don’t get along
I know that it was bold, I know that it was wrong
Trying all I can, to be
Someone that you’ll want, to see
But I just cant help feeling like
I’m so cold and bitter, that I could die.
I tried to Jump, but I just couldn't make it
couldn't open the window, wasn't trying to fake it.
But me and I, don't get along
I know that it was bold, I know that it was wrong.
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10. |
Melting
04:12
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Melt into the corner
Melt into this mess
by the closet picking out my clothes
as I undress
Sinking feeling in my eyes
when the sun sets at 4, its not much a surprise
Empties in the snow
aluminium shell where the flowers'll grow
Sitting cold on the stoop
narrow steps my lonely coop
I gave in and started to smoke
watching old movies where the good guys croak
the days grow short my hair is grows tall
This gross routine so gets banal
we watched westerns a long time ago
pairing trail mix with my mom’s bordeaux
but how I miss the way my eyes would glean
what I romantic I was at 17
Cigarette butts everywhere
dirty shirt and oily hair
I miss the old Romances
I miss all the old dances
Empties in the snow -ow
aluminium shell where the flowers'll grow
Sitting cold on the stoop
narrow steps my lonely coop
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11. |
||||
Sipping her smoke by the windowsill
She sees something moving but the room is still
Theres a small devil running putting you on hold
Hell grows warmer but the heart grows cold
For EL, poor EL, living in a personal hell
For El, poor EL, living in a personal hell
Holding her up by invisible string
She begs for an offer begs for anything
Toying the strings like a marionette
The body and the mind play a somber duet
For EL, poor EL, living in a personal hell
For El, poor EL, living in a personal hell
How does one escape their demons,
Their pleasures and their holds,
Well Hell grows warmer but the heart grows cold
We grow further as we grow old.
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12. |
Sifting
04:12
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My heart sits slowly beating
Half awake and partly dreaming
Im sitting and Im sifting
Through memories slowly drifting
Its dim and serene
The room’s a faint shade of green
Cool comfort and callow
Covering me in shadow
I breath in slow
But from my stomach
it all grows in tempo
there in the mirror,
its seems so much clearer
to me now
Sifting, Drifting, away
INST
I walk back through the halls
Flourescent lighting creeping down the walls
Now its just me left with the screen
I feel the air buzz inbetween
In the dark I lay
In a bed that’s too big
With a wide open gaze
At the ceiling, I’m peeling away
I breath in slow
But from my stomach
it all grows in tempo
there in the mirror,
its seems so much clearer
to me now
Sifting, Drifting, away
I sit against the window
Lock my face against the pillow
And when the clock strikes four
I seek my rest and lock the door
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13. |
Sertraline
05:01
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Close your eyes and hold real still
Grab the make up from the window sill
Try and try to make the lines
Still fuck it up though everytime
I feel that in no time at all
Sitting in my room against the wall
Dressing down and looking gender queer
Dressed to go but never leaving here
And its like Im in a shitty dream
And Im exactly like, who I seem (to be)
No smoke no mirrors and no screen
Just lots and lots and lots
Of Sertraline.
Androgynous and dressed down in yellow
Always more a stare than it ever is a hello
I dift outside as my mouth goes numb
Chipping the nail polish off my thumb
When I sing my eyeliner bleeds
Looking femme until my hair recedes
Though Im never really in the mood
Im dependably blue
And its like Im in a shitty dream
And Im exactly like, who I seem (to be)
No smoke no mirrors and no screen
Just lots and lots and lots
Of Sertraline.
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14. |
Cephalophore (part 1)
01:52
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I drift alone out in the lake
quiet calls like mockingbirds
let the waters wash me clean
quiet small, at loss of words
draw the string that kills the light
and pull it forth like lassoing the moon
make the couch a bed for one
empty like this living room
Cephalophore
With your fingers down my neck
we locked the door
but we forgot to check.
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15. |
Cephalophore (Part 2)
02:15
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But get me when the sun comes, I want to be awake
not doing what a statue does but grappling with fate
The bullshit we were spewing then, gospels that were spoke in tongues
sitting outside Walmart, ruining our lungs
but I am a cephalophore, carrying my head
moving it up on my shoulders when it should be said
I don’t want your pity
I don’t want your time
I don’t want your empathy
I don’t share the crime
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16. |
Tub
03:13
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Layin in the tub
Fucked up on Ativan
Come lay with me
And maybe you’ll understand
Its not so much different
Here on the other side
I love you,
Yet I’m your mess
Second time around
and feeling depressed
blue hair, red lights, hello’s goodbyes
lullabies
Our love blossomed like a stump
The moon, you white pill I take with my wine,
My muse, my moon, my valentine
But if you should take these words to heart
Will you lay here with me
In the dark
To Nosferatu Ill lay here with you
Because the floors only cold
For one and not two
Someone who wants me
Despite explanation
To drift with me in my imagination
Layin in the tub
Fucked up on Ativan
Come lay with me
And maybe you’ll understand
Its not so much different
Here on the other side
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17. |
House Party
05:47
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Standing by the table
Staring at the floor
Drink in one hand
And half a glass more
We’re sitting in the snowy haze
I’m so drunk the image has gone sideways
And down by the rue
I’m pitiful and blue
But Im not in the city very long
Its true
Im terrified et j'suis fucking sou
And just as my finders went numb,
She calls my name and starts to come
Down through the kitchen
And on to the floor.
Like a house party goddess alumn
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Tom Carlson Manchester, New Hampshire
Tom Carlson is a genderqueer songwriter and performer from New Hampshire. This is the site for all of their original music.
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