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The Dead Flowers

by Tom Carlson

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1.
Ser Mi Amor 04:30
Nunca estas de buen humor Por ser mi amor Y cuando creo que te ama Azul es mas que un color No digas que te intereso Menos y menos cada beso Quisé amarte, hasta tu me dejaste But I wont care I wont dare This despair, I have Never in the mood Always make me gotta choose Take your time to realize, I’m dispensable and blue You’re saying I’m the one you miss But less and less with every kiss If that’s the way that things will be I hope you love me when you leave me But I wont care I wont dare This despair, I have And I’m losing every part No longer caring for my art. But that’s how its always been Apathetic from the start Nunca estas de buen humor Por ser mi amor Y cuando creo que te ama Azul es mas que un color But I wont care I wont dare This despair, I have
2.
I ask if you are feeling bored feeling that I’m being ignored You sit there cruel and picturesque Scribbling away at the desk When will you go or move away Or find the words to gently say That you’ve been trying just to see A gentle way of leaving me And then she does what a statue does Idles awake and just because Like every car I’ve ever owned Silently before getting Towed, And so Ill wait Until you move Sit and text away on your phone Just by the train stop waiting zone And in between the subway cars Not holding you but to the bars You lied about your cigarette Saying you quit when we first met And then she does what a statue does Idles awake and just because Je t’ai donné que je pouvais Mais comme un statue, T’as resté Tu m’as laisse tres affligé   Tu me connais et tu sais
3.
Pains and Pleasures The worrisome forevers Absent Minded, Keeping me reminded of Floating, holy yellow hue Lamp by my bed getting dimmer Through and through I saw you, at the show Thin and pale, just like a ghost Hit the tape and stop the reel Light goes dim and starts to peel Floating, holy yellow hue Your image is on my mind But is it really you
4.
Givers 04:14
Baby blue I said In good time we’ll all be dead So now flicker in the light of the streetlamps in the dead of night But that floating yellow hue Of the orchard and the agust moon I couldnt think youd understand When I kissed you in the back of that van The road trip ends when we reach my grave When we’re no longer running and the roads unpaved And some things just feel like theyre the end Like when we say I love you, we pretend. We slept in the orchard late last night And down in the creekbed we both spoke And I would say that I deserved it If this hadnt all just been some joke. The road trip ends when we reach my grave When we’re no longer running and the roads unpaved And some things just feel like theyre the end Like when we say I love you, we pretend.
5.
June 03:59
And We’ll smoke all damn afternoon Live like two kids in the middle of June And we’ll sway, to the tune Of your mom singing in the kitchen We’ll play a game of regrets You’ve got a backbone of petty requests To everyone, you’ve made the bet If theyre gonna catch on to you or not. Why would I stay there So obviously inoportune I could have broke free From orbiting like I was the moon Is there a way to Exist without those you depend Well Ill find out Find out soon friend You were agrandized insufferable defeat Down by the river just dipping your feet Saying damn, how could life be So Inconsiderate to me And We’ll dance on the T Wine drunk and jamming out to David Bowie Wondering how How life could be, so inconsiderate To me. Why would I stay there So obviously inoportune I could have broke free From orbiting like I was the moon Is there a way to Exist without those you depend Well Ill find out Find out soon friend (Instrumental) Why would I stay there So obviously inoportune I could have broke free From orbiting like I was the moon Is there a way to Exist without those you depend Well Ill find out Find out soon friend And We’ll dance on the T Wine drunk and jamming out to David Bowie Wondering how How life could be, so inconsiderate To me.
6.
Some days it all seems to float away Never know quite what youre gonna say Somethings always gonna break down soon Maybe in my car or maybe in my room All covered up my homes become my tomb I’m one of those with the backwards brains Youre free to love me but I’m insane I’m one of those with the backwards brains Youre free to love me but I’m insane And when the night comes and kills the lights All snuck up on me and shined its brights Ill try and find you at common ground But somehwere else is where we’ve found Someplace not so safe and sound I’m one of those with the backwards brains Youre free to love me but I’m insane I’m one of those with the backwards brains Youre free to love me but I’m insane Out at old orchard at one AM The night it loops back over again You kissed me between the elephant’s legs I’m one of those with the backwards brains Youre free to love me but I’m insane I’m one of those with the backwards brains Youre free to love me but I’m insane Out at old orchard at one AM The night it loops back over again It got left between the elephant’s legs.
7.
That nobody loves me shit just gets old Every talk is five stories, that are just retold By the chair by the window By the bags and the gowns She’s talking down to me And I’m talking her down. Stuck at self service island Lost in Rome Waiting at purgatory til the Ship ride home Turn out the streetlights Drift into my room A goodbye from sweetheart and a kiss from the moon I’m Bunuel’s angel Cant find a reason to go I’m perfectly able Yet unable so. (instrumental) I’m Bunuel’s angel Cant find a reason to go I’m perfectly able Yet unable so. I’m Bunuel’s angel Cant find a reason to go I’m perfectly able Yet unable so.
8.
Incantatious so vivacious the realest thing I know Shoulders tight, its alright, its time to go Feeling alright tap your feet my sweet one Take your hair and tie it into a bun Running down to the red like track Muddy Ruddy with a lake on your back Spinning albums in bed at three You’d never know you’re so important to me Hey, youre my technicolor dream Take it slow, the realest thing I could ever know Je pense que je peux dire que tu es, mon amour, ma copain, ma cheré. Whailing sighing, daylights dying and the Boys reading catcher saying someday he’ll fetch her But its recolored, its recolored, technicolor dreaming I know I love her but the lens is quite decieving Hey, Id love to be driven insane by you.
9.
Jump 02:34
Thought I’d never love, no one This time I’ll try and drink, for fun Don’t underestimate, My ability To hold myself together, when you look at me I tried to call, when I was blue In the back room I, I felt for you But the night and I, don’t get along I know that it was bold, I know that it was wrong Trying all I can, to be Someone that you’ll want, to see But I just cant help feeling like I’m so cold and bitter, that I could die. I tried to Jump, but I just couldn't make it couldn't open the window, wasn't trying to fake it. But me and I, don't get along I know that it was bold, I know that it was wrong.
10.
Melting 04:12
Melt into the corner  Melt into this mess by the closet picking out my clothes  as I undress Sinking feeling in my eyes  when the sun sets at 4, its not much a surprise  Empties in the snow aluminium shell where the flowers'll grow  Sitting cold on the stoop  narrow steps my lonely coop  I gave in and started to smoke  watching old movies where the good guys croak  the days grow short my hair is grows tall This gross routine so gets banal we watched westerns a long time ago  pairing trail mix with my mom’s bordeaux  but how I miss the way my eyes would glean  what I romantic I was at 17  Cigarette butts everywhere  dirty shirt and oily hair  I miss the old Romances  I miss all the old dances  Empties in the snow -ow  aluminium shell where the flowers'll grow  Sitting cold on the stoop  narrow steps my lonely coop 
11.
Sipping her smoke by the windowsill She sees something moving but the room is still Theres a small devil running putting you on hold Hell grows warmer but the heart grows cold For EL, poor EL, living in a personal hell For El, poor EL, living in a personal hell Holding her up by invisible string She begs for an offer begs for anything Toying the strings like a marionette The body and the mind play a somber duet For EL, poor EL, living in a personal hell For El, poor EL, living in a personal hell How does one escape their demons, Their pleasures and their holds, Well Hell grows warmer but the heart grows cold We grow further as we grow old.
12.
Sifting 04:12
My heart sits slowly beating Half awake and partly dreaming Im sitting and Im sifting Through memories slowly drifting Its dim and serene The room’s a faint shade of green Cool comfort and callow Covering me in shadow I breath in slow But from my stomach it all grows in tempo there in the mirror, its seems so much clearer to me now Sifting, Drifting, away INST I walk back through the halls Flourescent lighting creeping down the walls Now its just me left with the screen I feel the air buzz inbetween In the dark I lay In a bed that’s too big With a wide open gaze At the ceiling, I’m peeling away I breath in slow But from my stomach it all grows in tempo there in the mirror, its seems so much clearer to me now Sifting, Drifting, away I sit against the window Lock my face against the pillow And when the clock strikes four I seek my rest and lock the door
13.
Sertraline 05:01
Close your eyes and hold real still Grab the make up from the window sill Try and try to make the lines Still fuck it up though everytime I feel that in no time at all Sitting in my room against the wall Dressing down and looking gender queer Dressed to go but never leaving here And its like Im in a shitty dream And Im exactly like, who I seem (to be) No smoke no mirrors and no screen Just lots and lots and lots Of Sertraline. Androgynous and dressed down in yellow Always more a stare than it ever is a hello I dift outside as my mouth goes numb Chipping the nail polish off my thumb When I sing my eyeliner bleeds Looking femme until my hair recedes Though Im never really in the mood Im dependably blue And its like Im in a shitty dream And Im exactly like, who I seem (to be) No smoke no mirrors and no screen Just lots and lots and lots Of Sertraline.
14.
I drift alone out in the lake quiet calls like mockingbirds  let the waters wash me clean quiet small, at loss of words  draw the string that kills the light and pull it forth like lassoing the moon make the couch a bed for one empty like this living room  Cephalophore  With your fingers down my neck  we locked the door  but we forgot to check. 
15.
But get me when the sun comes, I want to be awake  not doing what a statue does but grappling with fate  The bullshit we were spewing then, gospels that were spoke in tongues  sitting outside Walmart, ruining our lungs but I am a cephalophore, carrying my head  moving it up on my shoulders when it should be said  I don’t want your pity  I don’t want your time  I don’t want your empathy  I don’t share the crime 
16.
Tub 03:13
Layin in the tub Fucked up on Ativan Come lay with me And maybe you’ll understand Its not so much different Here on the other side I love you, Yet I’m your mess Second time around and feeling depressed blue hair, red lights, hello’s goodbyes lullabies Our love blossomed like a stump The moon, you white pill I take with my wine, My muse, my moon, my valentine But if you should take these words to heart Will you lay here with me In the dark To Nosferatu Ill lay here with you Because the floors only cold For one and not two Someone who wants me Despite explanation To drift with me in my imagination Layin in the tub Fucked up on Ativan Come lay with me And maybe you’ll understand Its not so much different Here on the other side
17.
House Party 05:47
Standing by the table Staring at the floor Drink in one hand And half a glass more We’re sitting in the snowy haze I’m so drunk the image has gone sideways And down by the rue I’m pitiful and blue But Im not in the city very long Its true Im terrified et j'suis fucking sou And just as my finders went numb, She calls my name and starts to come Down through the kitchen And on to the floor. Like a house party goddess alumn

about

Tom Carlson is a genderqueer song writer from New Hampshire. When entering college Tom formed a band for their music under the project name “The Dead Flowers,” for a setlist of songs written over many years. The band enlisted longtime musical friends who really helped shape these songs into what they are. Now that the band has disolved, ‘The Dead Flowers’ by Tom Carlson stands as a recording for the music played and written by the “The Dead Flowers.”
The Album divides into four parts. A1 (tracks 1-4) A2 (tracks 5-9), B1 (tracks 10-13) B2 (tracks 14-17).

Thank you to the band members who played this music with me, Chazz Rogers, Chase Retrosi, Zach Nardone, Alex Sandin.
Thank you to the many days arranging and working out songs in GB at Barncat, Luke Wheeler, ‘dirty' Benne Israel.

All songs written and recorded by Tom Carlson at Home and in a Dorm at the University of New Hampshire.
Mixing and Mastering by Tom Carlson
(with additional help on final mixes from El Testa)

credits

released February 14, 2019

Alex Sandin:
- Harmony Vocals: Elephants legs, Holy Yellow Hue
- Some Piano on Givers
- Drum Machine: Jump
- Composition: Harmony Parts on Ser

Chazz Rogers
- Harmony Vocals: Ser
- Bass: Ser
- Composition: Advising on most songs

EL Testa
- Harmony Vocals: Ser
- Mixing Help

Zach Nardone
- Inspiration for Drum parts and advising for all Drumming.

Instrumentation

Guitars
- Unnamed 60’s Japanese Electric
- Guild Starfire (electric)
- 1975 Guild Acoustic
- Craig Bumgarner Selmer Copy

Bass
- LTD 5 string

Drum Machines
- All Logic built in Machines
- Several Samples of Shakers
- Several Samples of live drums

Keyboards and Samples
- several shitty 90’s Yamaha/Casio keyboards found in various closets and recycling centers
- Korg Poly 800
- Yamaha Dx7
- Mellotron Samples
- Yamaha MT 45
- Yamaha MT 600
- Roland JX-R

Production
- two Sony Reel to Reels
- Logic Pro X

Equipment
- Scarlett Focusrite USB interface
- Behringer USB interface
- M-Audio USB interface
- one Sm57
- one Behringer B-1

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about

Tom Carlson Manchester, New Hampshire

Tom Carlson is a genderqueer songwriter and performer from New Hampshire. This is the site for all of their original music.

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